I recently got out of a three-year-long toxic relationship, and many of my friends have also recently become single, and it’s led me to the inevitable question of moving on. How, where, who with and when can you move on?
So many people in society have a set time period, and after two weeks, or two months, or however long, you should be over your relationship, or on the other hand, you are then ‘allowed’ to start a new one. It seems that so often someone will be judged for moving on too quickly, or for not moving on. And I can’t help but wonder why?
If someone is moving on, whether it be liking new people, seeing new people, or even starting a whole new relationship – that is proof that they are ready to move on. You do not need to wait an assigned period of time before you are allowed to look at new people, or see new people. If you feel ready, then you are.
Of course, sometimes jumping from one serious relationship to another is not a good idea, especially if it turns out you are not fully over the previous one – more people just end up getting hurt – but the key is, if this new person (or people) does care, then they will understand you need that grieving time, and will support you and if need be, give you space, whilst understanding your feelings for them. You are allowed to want to be with someone else, or have feelings for someone else, even if deep down you are still head over heels in love with your ex. You are allowed to have space and still feel for your ex, and maybe even want to get back with them, and you are allowed to do all that while embarking on new relationships.
You should not rush, that is true, but I’m so fed up of people saying a relationship obviously wasn’t ‘important’, or ‘serious’ or you didn’t ‘really love them’ just because someone has found they have feelings for someone else soon after. Feelings for other people crop up during relationships, so why can’t they immediately after?
Do not let people tell you you didn’t really love your ex, or whoever, because you are finding a new person/ people. There is not allotted ‘single’ time after a relationship. Do not let people invalidate your feelings for what they deem appropriate or the social norm. Do not let people make you feel guilty for having new feelings, even when your old ones are still hanging around, pulling down on you.