After a year with too many people letting me down or giving up on me, including myself, I’ve decided to make 2015 different. A lot of progression happened in my life this year, but I’ve let a lot of people and things stop me from being happy and take up too much of my time, and I’ve focussed on other people more than myself, even when I needed me in my corner. It’s cliched and maybe it won’t last, but I see nothing wrong with starting out 2015 trying to be positive and having some set goals. I aim to move on in my life, move forward in my passions and move past bad memories that have been holding me back.
1. Pass my practical driving test before September. After struggling to pass my theory then failing the practical, then my driving instructor quitting teaching, I’ve been very anti-driving and grown to hate it and believe I can’t do it. I know that’s not true, I just find it difficult. So I will pass the test and have a full licence by my second year of university.
2. Finish my first year of uni knowing I tried my best. Don’t get me wrong, I want good grades and I’m determined to get them, but more so I want to keep putting in 110% and get the most out of this experience that I can. Even if I don’t get top grades, so long as I’ve learnt a lot I consider myself a success. I’m going to study really hard, keep writing killer notes, take in as much information as I can and re-draft assignments until they’re the best they can be. Then I can go into my second year with a great base.
3. Become happy with my body/weight. God knows how many New Year’s Resolutions this has been on for me, but this year I’m determined. I am going to become accepting of my physical flaws, even if I can’t learn to like them. But I am also going to keep exercising to build up my fitness and strength, and hopefully lose some or all of the weight I gained in the past three years. Either way, acceptance is my main goal.
4. Get a tattoo. I’ve wanted the same tattoo since I was fourteen, and now I’m legally old enough and in a place where I think maybe I can be brave enough, I desperately want to get it. The meaning of it to me just keeps expanding, and each year something new seems to happen to me that I can relate back to the tattoo. It’s positive and will be an amazing experience, and I just need to get up the guts to do it. (When I do, there will be a whole post about it!)
5. Or get a new piercing. Since getting my ears done when I was twelve (and crying my little eyes out ’cause I’m a wimp) I’ve wanted more piercings on my ears, and in recent years I’ve also wanted to get my eyebrow done. I’m just as terrified about getting these done as I cry even getting a blood test, but I think they’ll look awesome – and even if they don’t, they can just be taken out! So maybe I’ll girl up and get them.
6. Focus on myself for once. For the past three years I’ve been focussed almost completely on another person, and consequently neglected a lot of stuff to do with me and my life. And now they are gone from my life, I’m going to be selfish. I’m going to do the things I want to do, I’m going to be myself in my entirety, I’m going to spend some time getting to know who I am now, and spend money on myself and overall try to stop caring what others think of me as much.
7. Continue my recovery journey. 2015 will be three whole years I’ve been clean, and it’ll be six months that I’ve been off my medication and out of therapy; and I want to celebrate that and keep going. I still get bad days, and about 60% of the time there is no word to describe how I feel except ‘depressed’, but I am getting better once again. I dipped a lot this year just after doing well, and I am determined to start getting better again next year.
So those are my New Year’s Resolutions, and I’m ready for a self-discovery, self-indulgent and self-focussing year of me-revolution. I wish you all the best luck in any plans or wishes you have for 2015.