Dear Mum, Happy Mother’s Day! I wanted to do something new this year rather than the typical chocolates and tacky gift thing (though I must admit, your presents are fab today). You’re gonna cry (’cause you cry at everything) and I know perhaps you, and other people, may wonder why I decided to write this here. It’s simply because a) it’s less effort than hand writing, and b) I want everyone to know how much I love you and how proud I am of you. I think everyone in the whole world should know about you because you are just that incredible. Okay, I guess I’m bragging a little bit…
I wanted to do something new this year rather than the typical chocolates and tacky gift thing (though I must admit, your presents are fab today). You’re gonna cry (’cause you cry at everything) and I know perhaps you, and other people, may wonder why I decided to write this here. It’s simply because a) it’s less effort than hand writing, and b) I want everyone to know how much I love you and how proud I am of you. I think everyone in the whole world should know about you because you are just that incredible. Okay, I guess I’m bragging a little bit… Some people might find it weird that I say I’m proud of you. I mean, sure you might be proud if your mum wins an award or gets a promotion or something (which, tbh, you do all the time as well) but I’m proud of you. I’m proud of the fact I have the most caring, kind, generous, intelligent, beautiful woman in the world as my mum. I mean come on! How lucky is that? I know, I know, anyone else thinks that of their mum too perhaps, but seriously I’m sorry guys you are wrong – my mum is, without a doubt, the best. You are the best, mum.
I want to tell you something that I’ve said before, but you probably worry about a lot: I really like myself. Not in narcissistic way, though maybe a bit ’cause I can be like that… but in a genuine, healthy I just really like myself kinda way. And I know that’s all you’ve ever really wanted, just for me to be happy and like myself. I know you don’t like yourself all the time, but you’ve always tried so hard to hide your insecurities from me ’cause you wanted me to grow up strong and proud of who I am. Even now you still try to hide when you’re sad or down on yourself, which is a bit silly ’cause we both know I see right through you. But you do it anyway, because you never want to worry me or make me think it’s okay to not like myself. It’s taken me eighteen years, but finally I do like myself. I like the person I am inside, and I’m finally realising that I do matter. I know I can be stubborn as hell and really sarcastic and oh so forgetful, and I know those things can be very annoying, but I like them. I like all of my personality, and I honestly think that wouldn’t have happened without you constantly telling me I’m important and wonderful and should love myself. Not only that, but you are sooooo kind and generous. You’re so caring to everyone, no matter who they are or how well you know them, and you’ve taught me that being kind is really that easy and that being kind doesn’t mean I’m not strong. You’ve taught me that building walls to protect myself isn’t a bad thing, but it’s okay to let them down and that I can be kind and tough. Because my god are you tough. You are the strongest woman I know. You’ve been through so much and I’ve literally seen you grow and get braver, whether it’s something small like dealing with rude people, or driving on huge motorways in foreign countries, or not taking shit from bad customer service people on the phone. Even those small things, you can do them now and when I was little you couldn’t. All that’s come with all the bad stuff we’ve been through, and all that huge scary stuff that happened, you just stood up, said ‘right, this is how the situation is, and I’m going to make the best of it’ and somehow dealt with everything. No one, not even our closest friends, know just how awful some things have been for us, and the whole time you stayed so, so strong. When everything and everyone else was falling apart around you, you managed to hold everything together and do it all with a smile on your face. You’ve changed so much from the mum I first knew, but you’ve retained all the wonderful, kind, caring parts of you and have just gotten so damn tough as well. You’re the bravest person I know, and I’ve never not felt safe and loved when with you.
Even when I’ve been at my worst and felt completely worthless, you made me feel safe and loved. No matter how out of control everything seemed to be inside me, you were there and I felt safe. All those times I was on the edge, the only reason I didn’t fall, was because of you. At times you were all that kept me hanging on, and you will never understand how grateful I am for that. You’ve always, always been there for me whether it was a bruised knee or a broken heart. Homework, friendships, mental health stuff, school, romance – goddamn anything, you’ve helped me with. You’ll give me advice or leave me alone, you’ll pretend you don’t know I’m upset or let me cry for hours; no matter what you are there for me. Even now, when I’m not at home. You’re always there and you are one of just two people in the world who I know I can, without a doubt, always count on to be there for me. I trust very few people fully, but I trust you with my life and my darkest secrets.
I also cannot emphasise enough how thankful I am for your respect: you respect me and my decisions and life choices. You’ll give me advice and your honest opinion when I ask for it, but you’ll never force it on me, and whatever I decide you’ll support me and respect my choice. You’ve never tried to control my life or my decisions, and that is something I think very few children are lucky enough to have. You’ve never dictated, you’ve just looked after and advised. That is something that only now I’m older do I realise.
Something that’s always stood out for me is our friendship. When I was re-reading my birthday letters from you, even when I was just a baby you were saying how we were friends. I think that’s always been the way. I remember my friends would always moan about their mum or say they hated them, and I just couldn’t understand it. To this day, I don’t think (and I hope) I have ever said I hated you, or even thought it. You’ve always been my friend, even when I was too young to fully be a friend back to you. I hope now I’m older our friendship is more equal. You’ve done so much for me for so long, and I just want to repay some of the kindness.
Your immense creativity is another thing I want to thank you for. Without your creativity, I don’t think I would be even slightly similar to who I am today. Music and writing and art is what I am. I feel it in my blood and I have so much passion for creating, all of which I can only think came from you. You are so ridiculously talented and even now you’re still testing yourself and trying new things and realising how much potential you have. I don’t think any of us realised just how talented you are. I admire your determination and creativity so much, and I think when I was little I only started being creative too because I wanted to copy you and be just like you. Right from when I was able to hold a pen or press one of the keys on the piano, you encouraged me but didn’t push me, you nurtured my talent rather than trying to dictate how I used it and how much. Reading, writing, drawing, music – all of it comes from you. And now it is what I want to do with my life. But more importantly, you’ve made me believe I can. I believe I am capable of making it in this industry, and that is so much down to your encouragement and praise. You taught me that it was okay to dream big and that with a bit of determination pretty much anything is possible.
I haven’t even begun to describe all of you and all the things about you that I’m proud of. I don’t think I ever could. You’re my best friend and the best role model anyone could ever have. You are so strong and kind and creative, and have taught me to have the best values and have always believed in me and loved me, even when I couldn’t myself. I am honoured to have you in life at all, let alone have you for my mum and be able to say you’re my best friend. I know you’ve always worried that as I grew up I’d drift away from you, or we wouldn’t be as close friends anymore, but if anything I think we’ve just gotten closer. We’ve survived so much together and now even while I’m at uni we speak almost non-stop everyday. We’re always going to be best friends, so don’t worry.
Finally, I just want to say that you know how proud of me you are? Well, your mum would be, and is, just as proud of the amazing, beautiful person you are. I really believe she’s celebrating with us today. 🙂
So Happy Mother’s Day, I’m sorry I won’t be able to top this next year. I love you ridiculous amounts, my mum; my role model; my friend.
Love Laurel (Yep, I even used that name for you – true love) ❤
So Happy Mother’s Day, I’m sorry I won’t be able to top this next year. I love you ridiculous amounts, my mum; my role model; my friend. Love Laurel (Yep, I even used that name for you – true love) ❤